It was…an interesting week. 7 days of going with the flow. It was…fun? Yes and no. It was a difficult exploration for me to do. I genuinely thought that the 10-day Vipassana course was easier (my friend Dimi and I had a good laugh about this. He said that this needs to go into my blog so here it is :D). I had thought that a week of no plans would lead to joy pouring in and me just following that flow. Not really. As soon as I cleared the space, it wasn’t just joy that flowed in. There was a torrent of negativity too. So many voices that lay dormant came streaming in and it wasn’t pretty. It took me a few days to get my bearings. Here’s my post on day #3 if you want to know what state I was in.
But it was interesting and an experiment in self-awareness. Something I definitely needed! It broke my pattern of overwhelm and feeling like I was running a race I couldn’t win. That made it a big win!
I had some really good insights. These were the most meaningful ones for me personally:
- Both extremes – too much structure or too little structure – don’t work for me. I’m glad that I had a taste of both the extremes because it gives me a better sense of what might work. I have come with a particular structure to test out this upcoming week – I’ll share that later in the post.
- I have my identity too wrapped up in being the ‘hard worker’. If I’m doing nothing or doing something relaxing, I feel like I’m being lazy and since I’ve always thought that I’m the hard worker, I feel like I’m not being myself. It seems like I’ve used the ‘hard work’ tool so much that I think I am the tool. This was an interesting observation.
- This was perhaps my most important realization: I want to decouple fiction writing and making money. I was tripping myself up in this regard subconsciously. Now, I’m looking at fiction writing as something I do just for the joy of it. For the joy of learning. I wrote a blog post if you are interested in reading the details. I was in a deep place of inspiration and solemnity when I wrote this.
- What followed the above realisation is that I want to figure out a way to make passive income. This will go back to writing again – but in a very different way. I know that passive income creation takes time; I’m going to get started on the path come July. More on that in the quarterly planning threads.
- I have a really hard time a) allowing myself to be free and doing the things that bring me joy if I feel that I’m not being productive (this goes back to point #2) and b) I have a hard time saying ‘no’ when I feel that I’m responsible for something – even when that something doesn’t resonate with me in that moment. So the lesson was to always honour what my inner voice is telling me.
- When I allowed myself to have lots of space to daydream, I was able to enter my creative zone and come up with some really inspiring ideas. On occasion, I had a very clear mental film playing about what I want my future (5-10 years from now) to look like. I enjoyed that a lot. This showed me that having space and not filling my days to the brim with to-do’s has a lot of value.
Here’s where I thank Dimi for being the awesome person he is and giving me the inspiration to do this experiment. <3
Hello Ranjana, Just wanted to say hi. I came across your blog after I read a bunch of the forum posts and I googled you yesterday (hope it doesn’t sound creepy). I felt we have a lot of common interests after reading some of you posts in the CGC forums (writing or becoming a writer, relationships) . Anyway, I wondered if you’d get a kick from getting a comment here. I’m really inspired by your journey and feel that you are probably a year or several ahead of the path I want to be on, especially in terms of becoming and growing as a writer. Also thanks for writing your blog. I felt enriched after reading your posts. See you in the forums, lounge and calls. Hugs and Love, Nidhi
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful message, Nidhi! You made my day:)