May was an interesting month and I came away from it with a deeper understanding of myself. I was quite amazed to see how one could take a conscious approach to peel back layers even in an area as hazy as ‘self-discovery’. It was also interesting to see how the very fact that I was going down this path seemed to invite situations that uncovered aspects of me that lay hidden. However, it wasn’t all rosy. Some insights felt great while others made me cringe or feel deeply sad. Overall, though, I came away from the exploration feeling like I had a much better understanding of who I was, what I desired, what mattered to me, what I’d like to change (both in my reality and within myself), what I can safely drop, and what I want to do more of or enhance. It also opened up more doors for self-discovery. Some parts were super fun and I got a real kick out of them.
My process:
Here are the kinds of things I did to dive into the realm of self-discovery.
A) Journaling
I journaled every day. Here is the kind of questions that I asked myself that I wrote answers to, stream of consciousness style:
- What were the times I felt indescribably happy?
- What fascinates me about the people I admire, both real and fictional?
- What goddesses do I resonate with the most and why (I did this exercise because it’s easier to hone in on the characteristics and attributes that I’d like to emulate)?
- If I had 5 million dollars, what would I do with it? How would I spend my time?
- Who are my heroes and why?
- What constitutes my ‘dark side’?
- What are the key ingredients that would make my life feel full and abundant? What do I want to feel?
- What sort of mindset would serve me the best? What beliefs do I want to install?
- If I had only ONE mission in my life, what would it be?
- What are my deepest fears?
On some days, it was just writing what was coming through my consciousness without necessarily answering any specific question. One day, for eg., someone close to me passed away and I journaled about death and what was important to me if I knew I had just a decade more to live.
B) Personality Tests
I took the enneagram personality test to know myself better. Turns out my personality closely matches that of The Giver and The Enthusiast. I love psychometric tests because they help me uncover parts of myself that I instantly recognize but wouldn’t have consciously thought about otherwise. So that fit nicely into the theme for the month.
C) Deep Conversations
I had deep conversations with people that inadvertently became a mechanism for self-discovery. Some of the free-flowing conversations with friends helped me go, “huh, that’s interesting. It is true that I’m like that”. Or someone would share something about themselves and I’d see myself being reflected back. The calls with my therapist unveiled some of my deeper issues too, which was most definitely a discovery. Not everything was rosy, but it definitely was good information to have.
D) Fun Questionnaires!
I had a fun time answering all the questions from this list of ‘100 getting to know you questions‘ that I found online. Try doing this by yourself or with friends. It both fun and revealing.
E) Incidents
Incidents popped up that jolted me into some sudden discovery. For eg. some old friends reached out to me and I realised that I’ve changed so much that we weren’t ‘friends’ anymore. My discovery was that I had no desire to keep in touch with them; we’d gone out separate ways. Mid-May once the lockdown was relaxed in Bangalore, I moved out of my own place; from an area I’d lived in for the last 5 years. It was akin to shedding my old skin. This was also a self-discovery of sorts. Something that told me I was ready to move on.
I also had an episode where my old anxiety-related issues came to the fore. I’ve been working with a new therapist to assimilate these newfound truths about myself.
Overall, this was a very successful exploration. I discovered a lot of good stuff. For eg., I discovered that having lots of deep conversations with people I think are super interesting brings me true joy and a feeling of abundance. From the numerous 1-1 conversations I’ve been having, it’s been dawning on me that people seem to like me for who I am. This has been liberating because I don’t need to keep doubting the value I bring to the table or obsess over ‘how I should be’. All I have to do is be me. It seems obvious, but it truly feels like a discovery.
One of the most important discoveries I had was that I wanted to be a fiction writer. A conversation with a dear friend brought this to light. If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll see that all of a sudden the number of short stories on my blog have spiked. That’s me getting started on my fiction writing path.
If any of what I did speaks to you, I highly encourage you go ahead and explore them yourself! What you discover will be uniquely your own.
What’s brewing in June
The theme for the month is Self Identity. I wanted to keep the exploration simple – I’m doing one lesson from Steve Pavlina’s Stature course every day. If you take a look at the course content, you’ll see that it’s quite immersive and a great tool for exploring the topic of self-identity. In fact, Steve calls it the character sculpting deep-dive. I had 28 lessons to complete on June 1st, so I’ll be able to wrap it up a couple of days before the end of the month. Given that I’m doing quite a bit of work in the realm of fiction writing and Stature is quite a heavy-duty course, I have had quite an interesting and intense June that’s been unfolding!
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to email them to me via the contact form or leave a comment below! I’d love to hear your take on any of the things I’ve shared.
Here’s wishing you a wonderful June 2020, my friends.🤗